Patterns - Controlling, others by  Manipulating, Undermining,  Unbalancing, Disempowering or just being very Difficult

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Clearly Controlling Patterns - People who:

* control by being bossy, pushy, arrogant, superior

* use threats, rage, anger or high intensity to control others. Adrenaline and drama addicts.

* use real power or force to control

*  act like a bossy parent, criticise, judge, punish you (or all three)

* know better than you what’s best for you (paternalism) see note below

Manipulating Patterns - People who:

* deliberately create an imbalance of power, in their favour

* exploit others to serve their own agenda, or for their benefit alone.

* break promises, take 90%  and give 10%, offer lousy deals

* using fake claims to set up guilt or shame in you to disempower you and increase their control

Undermining Unbalancing and Disempowering - People who:

* fight to be right every time, can’t be wrong

* negative label  “You are .... You never ... You always ... You aren’t .... You wont ...

*  undermine you, put you down (to make it easier for them pinch more of your power)

* get angry with you when they make a mistake

* act as if you are forever in debt to them. So, no matter how much you do for them it’s never enough.

* act as if they are entitled to special treatment

* amateur psychologists, diagnosing others “You have a problem ....” Play psychological games

Blockers Avoiders and Distancers - People who:

• Refuse to discuss issues. “The matter is closed”

• Prevent contact or communication as a way of controlling others (this is not the same as a boundary)

* Defend, and defend, and defend. Over-explain, over-analyse, over-justify.

* Give endless anecdotes or examples to help block their realty and yours too.

Victim-Control Patterns - which makes controlling and manipulating easier for them. People who:

* control by role playing, claiming to be suffering as a tragic or unjust victim. Fake drama

* expect to be allowed more control because they are suffering too much, too sad, too sorry, too sore, too wounded, too hurt. Glass continually half empty, so you must fill it up for them.

*  focussing on your faults, your blame or shame to increase control or force you to change the way they want. “You never .... You don’t ...”

* complain all the time about symptoms of the problem, but avoid discussing solutions.

*  prefer looking in the rear view mirror (the past) and avoid looking at positive possibilities ahead or even good things happening now.

Just plain Difficult - People who:

* are very hard to get on with

* are too self-controlled, too rigid, unbending

* are obstinate, won’t change or just do whatever is the opposite, back to front thinking

* are even more interested in making you wrong than being right themselves

*  prefer long unresolved arguments to win-win negotiated solutions

*  are too young emotionally

* Go out of their way to annoy others, deliberately, intentionally, knowing it’s going to cause the other person some pain, fear, worry stress or tension (while they feel some strange kind of inner joy about this). It’s this “inner reward” that causes them to keep repeating the same annoying pattern again and again. in some cases it can become close to an addiction.

These are perhaps the most child-like of the Control-MUD slingers. They are still haunted by the same central fear of not having enough control over life or over their own feelings or both. They are still trapped in the same (false) belief that the answer to their problems will somehow be found by undermining or damaging other people or forcing others  to change in ways those individuals don’t want to.

But in their case there is an added sting to this. A child like obsessive belief that the more they can make other people feel bad, the better the C-MUD slinger must feel inside. I could liken this to the way one child might deliberately break another kid’s toy and somehow feel better for having done it.   

Avoiding facing Power and control issues People who:

*  have blocked out their feelings (zero empathy)  

*  are hurting too much inside  

* get angry with themselves when they make a mistake

Dishonest,  Destructive,  Defraud - People who:

* intentionally cheat, lie, steal or act dishonestly

* see themselves as winners only when they have helped make somebody else have a loss. (sporting  syndrome) The more wrong you are, the more right they feel inside.

* destroy what others have created (sand-castle syndrome)

Other difficult people who:

* are stuck in an addictive cycle

* play as amateur lawyers, threaten legal action

* have been diagnosed with psychotic or severe and damaging psychiatric disorders

Let’s add some more. Your own  experiences with Control-MUD slingers:

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So many different Kinds of Control-MUD
 and the People who Sling it

WARNING  Label only what they do (Controlling, Manipulating Undermining Disempowering or just being very Difficult)
Never label who they are